look no pants
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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