i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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