Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Blood and glitter go together right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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