Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
