There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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