Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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