Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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