We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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