I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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