This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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