I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
