Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
