is your mom at the bar?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
