i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
