I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My life is pants optional.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
