Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
