Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
