we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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