Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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