I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
