my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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