everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
