the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
