So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
