I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
is wine microwaveable?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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