I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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