Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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