So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
