Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
