xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
