So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
