you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
