dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
