I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
