it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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