my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
