I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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