While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
