apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
