My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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