I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
