so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
