Best friends brother. Beat that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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