so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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