too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
