awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
