How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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