i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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