I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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