Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
