discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
