She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize