ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
