At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
