I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
