I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
