I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
