His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
