He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
