the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
