She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
