im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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