You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize