Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize