Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
