You work out of a Hotel?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
