She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
