love makes seman taste better
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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