OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I love you. Go after that dick
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