dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
