Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
