OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
