don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
