you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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