If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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