just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Someone signed my nipple.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize