I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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