So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she smelled like a LAN party
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
