oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
