Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
