I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
