what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
