she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
