I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
