i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
