just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
