Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize