So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize