I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
